Project: Color Me Beautiful – Hope Lasts

By: Imari

Project: Color me Beautiful

What a title that is…Color me Beautiful,

Thinking back on my journey, this title spoke to my soul in the literal sense, I thought to myself instantly, “I’ve been a lot of colors, felt a lot of colors and at the time neither of them did I consider beautiful”.  I’ve been blue in a sad time in my life, and black of the darkest time of all.  It all started with what I thought was sore muscles from college dorm room beds, but little did I know it was much more than that, something that would change my life forever.  Suddenly “sore muscles” turned into pain in my spleen and difficulty breathing which finally brought me into my doctor’s office.  Days after extensive blood tests, I got the call, “Imari your blood work showed you have what’s called Lyme disease”.  I sat on the edge of my bed, paused-looked down at my phone, then returned to the call with so many questions, what’s Lyme disease, how did this happen, what does this mean? I was convinced after two weeks of treatment I would feel better and the symptoms would subside, but boy was I wrong, boy were they wrong.  Shortly after completing the antibiotics all my previous symptoms came back but worse!

By the time I graduated college and started applying for Graduate school I began to feel more ill than ever, but being my stubborn self I pushed through it and still attempted Grad school.  I was determined to not see myself as “sick” I pushed myself so much I began to feel worse physically including other illnesses caused by the Lyme disease such as fibromyalgia and other health issues that I did not know of at the time.  It began taking an emotional toll on me and I allowed myself to be colored in blue, the color of sadness.  Finally, after years of inconsistency with jobs and Graduate programs, trying different medication and attempts at treatment for this debilitating disease I got fed up.  I felt like my life was at a standstill and I wanted more, I needed more, something that would change my perspective.  My biggest goal has always been to finish graduate school and earn my Master’s Degree so I took a huge risk.  I figured staying in state was not pushing me and I was allowing my illness to hold me back, so I packed myself up and moved to Florida attending a University in Orlando to complete my Masters.  The idea was for me to learn what it was like to be on my own, push myself through all the obstacles this disease has brought me.  After six months of continued pain in Florida, I got surgery only to find out I had Endometriosis and that was causing additional pain.  I felt like it did not stop! After a year of going to school and working an overnight job I had to quit my job and it was then that the color of the darkest cloud crept on me.  I felt hopeless, alone, depressed and questioned who I was as a person every day.

This journey of issues with my health continued throughout the first two years of being in Florida and It seemed I continued to be diagnosed with debilitating health issues such as, Lyme Disease, Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, and Interstitial cystitis.  The labels were consuming me I became obsessed with researching symptoms, co-occurring disorders, and treatments.  I began to realize after a year of doing this that it was in turn bringing me lower and lower in the pit of darkness, due to focusing on it so much.

During this time, I dug deep, deep into my spirit, into my faith, and my foundation in God.  It took me a while to establish a relationship with Him again and when I did my spirit began to uplift slowly over time.  It began with journaling, connecting with others who struggle with similar health issues and spreading awareness.  My relationship with Jesus is what completely transformed my frame of mind and that internal change made it easy for an external change.

Today I am blessed to say I am colored Beautiful, Beautiful in my soul and spirit and have been treating myself naturally for about a year.  I am almost done with my Graduate program and will have my Masters in Mental Health Counseling in March of 2017.

Whatever it is life brings you remember you have the final say, you are in control, you are the beginner and the finisher of your life.  Trust in God and let Him lead you! Go with this in mind,

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” -Philippians 4:13

Thank you for taking the time to read my story I hope it inspired someone.

With Love,

Imari