The Art of Forgiveness, 5 Steps to Forgiveness

By: Gessie Belizaire, MA

‘You cannot say you love me if you have never forgiven me.’  Let us face it if we are willingly giving love and someone the license to love us, then we should anticipate that there is a great possibility that the same person that loves us will hurt us…that is just the reality of it all. What matters most is figuring out who is worth it, that there is more love than hurt happening, and more often than not, that hurt, being unintentional.  We cannot tackle the topic of hurt feelings without immediately following it with the topic of forgiveness.  To love someone in the purest form at one point or another you will have to be faced with forgiving that person for some reason or another, and to do so successfully the following 5 steps are recommended.

  1. Own Your Feelings

When someone you love has hurt you, you are entitled to feel and to go through the process of being hurt…confront your pain. If that confronting means crying for four days straight, then do it.  Whatever you need to do to meet that pain head on and that will not bring harm to yourself or others then do it.

  1. Find the Inner Popeye in You

The inner Popeye, the cartoon character with unwavering strength, in you can only come out if you develop the strength within yourself.  So after you have brushed yourself off, possibly wiped your tears away and are ready to go where ever you need to go to pull strength or to refill your cup as others would call it, go there.  You cannot forgive the unforgiveable, at any length of time, if you are not strong enough to do so mind, body, and spirit.

  1. See Outside of Yourself

In this step you are strong enough, your head, on the other hand, is still a bit hesitant to forgiveness, but your heart is seeking to be open and willing to receive God’s grace and mercy.  God’s grace in the Christian context is “when unmerited favor from God takes form to assist with the salvation of sinners/adversity so that blessings can be received.”  Once you receive God’s grace regarding your hardship, you begin to see more clearly outside of yourself all while coming to the understanding that this forgiveness is more for yourself than for the offender so that you can receive the many blessings that the act of forgiveness will bring.

  1. Experience the Weight Being Lifted

In this phase you experience the ugliness, the pain, the resentment, the unpleasantness, and the unlikeliness of self being lifted naturally.  It is only when you have fully gone through the pain, spent time to heal/regain strength, understand, and receive with your whole heart God’s grace and mercy do you undergo this process and prepare yourself for the confronting.

  1. Confront the Person Who has Wronged You

It is time to flex the muscles of your mind and spirit that you having been training and strengthening in the steps leading to the confronting by making to the wrong doer your feelings, intentions, and the right to consideration heard.  Say your forgiveness and allow the person who hurt you the opportunity to express their feelings and to apologize.  It is important to understand that the apology you may or may not receive should matter least.  If the apology should happen, it should be considered as the icing on the forgiveness cake that you have given yourself by choosing to forgive the offender.

Hopefully these steps have been helpful and can assist you with coloring yourself and your life more beautifully.  Allow the steps to forgiveness to help you to get back to loving and being loved in the best way known…we are all meant to shine and to love and be loved.

Disclaimer: Similar version of article was previously published onwww.kimberlyelise.com .

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